Exercise is the key

 I've been feeling mighty low lately.  The move here to Iowa has been more of a challenge than I thought it would be and now with the time change......geez!  As someone who has dealt with depression in the past I kind of understand it.  I have taken antidepressants in the past but didn't like the side effects so I have done research to find out how to deal with it myself without taking medication.  Exercise is the answer.  Yesterday was a particularly tough day for me.  I spend a good portion of the morning crying for absolutely no reason with all kinds of negative thoughts running thru my mind . I know exercise helps me feel better but actually getting up and doing something is difficult but I made myself get on the elliptical machine yesterday while everyone else napped and what a difference it made.  I only worked out for about 35 minutes but it was time well spent.  I got off the machine sweaty but feeling so much better and the rest of my day was much more productive with no more crying.  Even this morning I feel better partly because I slept most of the night.  Anyone who has dealt with depression knows sleep can be a big problem.  Some with depression sleep all the time but some, like me, can't sleep.  I am NOT a morning person at all, never have been, so getting up a 5 in the morning is not normal for me.  But when you can't sleep, being awake 5am happens and then I'm tired all day and that makes the depression worse.   With snow in the forecast for the next few days getting outside won't be much of an option and the sun will set at 5 in the evening so I know getting some exercise every day will become even more important to me to keep me on an even keel.  

If you are dealing with depression I know the thought of exercising seems like a lot to ask but PLEASE give it a try.  I'm telling you it will help so much!  It might even help you get off those antidepressants you are taking.  

Answering the big question

 Jon and I have been married for 26 years and they have been interesting and eventful. We have moved a LOT.  The longest we have lived in one place in 9 years, most only 3 years.  This particular move has been one of the most difficult for me.  When we moved to Texas we said we would never move again, that it was where we were meant to be and that was it.  But, of course, I started thinking about moving and what would be different and how I wasn't fulfilled where we were.......all stupid things to say.  I was good in Texas until the kids went back to live with Jess, after they left I felt lost, adrift, off center, not useful.  And then Dad died and then Mom died and then.....WOW what am I even here for?  As much as I loved my animal and miss them terribly, they became somewhat of a burden.  I wanted to travel and see things.  I see our friend, Steve and Ann, and Marcy and JJ traveling and I want to do that and the animals were preventing that from happening.  I was really hoping when we moved here to Iowa that we would have a chance to do some traveling.  I've mentioned several times that I would like to buy a camper and go off for a few days exploring but that doesn't seem to be what Jon wants to do.  And now he has his snowmobile and his club and that doesn't include me sooooooo :/   Maybe I should just go traveling by myself.......Not!  That doesn't even sound like fun at all.  I guess my expectations are not in line with reality and the reality is my husband has interests that don't include me and that makes me quite sad.  I guess I pictured our life here much different than it has turned out to be.  Life here is pretty boring.   We don't do much of anything but sit around the house and watch stupid TV.  No traveling, no nothing......BORING!!  Why doesn't he want to do anything with me?  Why would he rather sit out in his garage than take me somewhere?  Am I that boring to be around?  When I ask he says "we just go here" but we've been here almost 7 months and still haven't taken any kind of trips other than to Rochester and that just doesn't count.  

So living with his mother is interesting.  She really isn't a bother most of the time but there are just a few things that do aggravate me.  Like when she makes plans and expects me to participate without really asking if I'm ok with it.  When she invites people to stay here without asking if I'm ok with it.  That annoys me. I guess, just once, I would love for her to ask how I feel about it, if it is ok with me, and honestly want to know how I feel.  I know this hasn't been easy for her either but she is getting the better end of this deal and that really pisses me off.  We paid off all her bills and took over the house without having any say on what actually goes on around here and......WOW that really pisses me off.  There are so many things I want to change around here but we have to do it slowly so we don't freak her out.  So this whole dishwasher thing is going to happen.  It's not so much the dishwasher itself its what that dishwasher represents to me,  it means I get to decide what will happen in my own home.  It means this is MY house now not hers.  I means I am in control of something......anything. So I am going to get in the car and drive to La Cross if that means going by myself then I will.  I am going to get those blinds for the kitchen and I am going to look at dishwashers and she will just have to learn to live with it.  It is time I take charge of my own life, time to put myself first in a few things and if that isn't possible I just might have to pack up and move back south, back to my people.   

So the big question is Where do I fit in here?  What is my purpose for being here?  How do I make a life for myself here?  All valid questions that only I can answer.  

I don't recognize my country anymore

What the heck is going on in our country?  Most days I can't believe I still live in the Unites States of America.  Has the progressive left completely lost their minds?  Just this week there were articles online on changing the name of the vagina to "front hole", tearing down statues on a college campus because it made some people feel "unsafe", and an illegal immigrant being arrested for killing a lovely young woman in Iowa and the left advocating  getting rid of ICE.  This is just a fraction of the crazy things going on with the progressive left.  

https://www.theblaze.com/news/2018/08/21/new-safe-sex-guide-says-medical-term-vagina-could-trigger-trans-people-replaces-with-front-hole

https://www.cnn.com/2018/08/20/us/unc-silent-sam-confederate-statue/inde

http://thehill.com/homenews/senate/394978-warren-its-time-to-replace-icex.html

Black people are being slaughtered on the streets of Chicago and no one on the left wants to talk about it.  Black babies are being killed in abortion clinics in record number and no one wants to talk about it but if a black person is killed by the police all hell breaks loose. Where is the logic in that? 

Drugs and criminals are pouring across the southern border but the left wants to open the borders to all and not secure it.  They think it is wrong to want to know who is coming into our country.  People are being killed by people who should not even be in the country and that is ignored.  

Our former president is chummy with the president of South Africa who wants to seize the land belonging to people because of the color of their skin possibly throwing the entire country into chaos and causing the death of millions to starvation.  If they give the land to people who don't know how to grow the food starvation is inevitable.  Just ask the people in Zimbabwa how that worked for them. 

For a while I didn't read or watch the news because it just made me crazy but lately it is hard to.  To see how lost we as a nation have become is a sad thing to see.  Where does it end? How far will we go in the name of political correctness or fairness?

Grand kids are a joy and a blessing

Joy and a blessing, joy and a blessing....that is what I have to keep telling myself when the grand kids come to visit.  Now, before I go any further, I have to say that I love my grand kids.  Jon and I raised them for 8 years and we would not have done that for any reason other than love.   
We have had 2 of them for the week because the school decided they needed a fall break.  I can't remember ever getting a fall break when I was in school but that was 100 years ago so I guess things have changed.  I was really looking forward to this visit. We didn't get to see much of the female grandchild last summer so I was happy to be able to spend some time with her.  Tomorrow they go home and I am SO ready for that. The week starts out great but by the time they are suppose to go home I am a raving lunatic!!  The house is a mess and that boy NEVER stops talking and I mean NEVER! Talk, talk, talk......WOW and he argues just to argue.  If I say the sky is blue he will say "no Grams the sky isn't blue"  and I reply "how did I make it through this life so wrong all the time?  I just need a 12 year old to correct me and tell me how stupid I am". And if one of them did something the other one did it better or faster or easier.  I am just done.  
And when did they become so mean?  They cannot have a conversation with each other without insulting each other.....you are fat....you are ugly....you are stupid....etc.   I just don't remember my brothers and I being so hateful to each other.  Now I know I am old but dang!!  I tried to tell them they should be nicer to each other because they are sibling but that went in one ear and out the other.  I hate that I feel this way, that I am looking forward to them going home.  I should be sad but I'm not.   
 Is it because they are teenagers that they are so annoying?  Maybe so. I used to tell them before they went back to live with their mom that they had to go before they became teenagers.  They thought I was joking about that but I was dead serious.  I refuse to raise anymore teenagers.....been there, done that.  I remember my kids as teenagers and that is why I refuse to do that again.  
So anyway I love you kids but tomorrow cannot get here soon enough for me!  Adios! 

Why worry...give it to GOD

I have to admit something.  I am a worrier.  I worry far too much but I learned something today.  Today I listened to a sermon from the church we used to go to in Arkansas.  It is called That Church...catchy right? 
 They changed the name after we left.  When we were going there is was called Mercy's Cross.  Not sure why they changed the name, maybe to be catchy.  Anyway they do this series every year where they take popular movies and pull a biblical theme from it.  This particular sermon was on Jaws.  Now that isn't one that I thought would be relevant but I was completely wrong.  The theme of the sermon was worry and how it is a sin.  I guess I never thought about my worrying as being sinful but this sermon changed my mind.  My current worry is my goat Sarah.  Goats have worms in their stomachs all the time and the key is to keep the worm load low so it doesn't cause any health issues.  Well I didn't keep a close enough eye on her and now she is severely anemic, this can kill a goat.  Now I know some of you would say it is just a goat, what is the big deal?  The big deal to me is this...God gave me these goats to take care of and I feel like I am not being a good steward of the gifts He has given me. By letting this goat get sick I failed in my duty to God to care for these goats.  I expressed this to Jon last night and he says I am being too hard on myself, that he doesn't know anyone who worries more about their animals than I do but that really doesn't make me feel better.  As silly as it might sound I pray for my goats.  I lay hands on them and ask God to heal them and keep them safe but I wonder if God is listening and if his plan is for this goat to get better.  I hope and pray that she will overcome this but what if God has something different in mind?  Is this suppose to be a learning experience for me? I often think about this when I look back at other things that have happened in my life like when my dad died.  He had so many people praying for him but God obviously had other plans.  Was I suppose to learn something from his death and/or did it affect someone else to bring them to know Christ?  In the end all the worrying I did didn't change the outcome and I am learning to accept that God had a plan even if I don't know what it was.  I know he is in control of everything but that doesn't make it any easier to not worry.  Philippians 4:6-7 says 
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  

Sometimes that is a hard thing to do. To give everything over to God and trust that he has your back but by worrying I am questioning whether God is big enough to do that.  By worrying I am doubting God's ability to take care of my concerns and that is sinful.  I know I will continue to worry, I think it is just human nature, but I will try to worry less and rely on God more, to pray more and give my worries over to Him.  If you get a chance I highly recommend you listen to this sermon and any others they have on their website.  ThatChurch.com is one of the things I miss most about living in Arkansas. 
https://youtu.be/OOFZ5L0GFiQ

God's Blessings 

Why do we keep doing same thing and expect different results?

Today I listened to Glenn Beck like I do most mornings but today was a different kind of show.  Today he asked if there was anything he could do to help.  He took phone calls from people all over the country who had different problems but the one that came up the most was health insurance.  So many called in and/or wrote on his Facebook page complaining about their health insurance, how much it has gone up along with the deductible, and how little it actually pays for.  It made me realize how blessed we are as a family. Because Jon is retired from the military, we have Tricare Prime as our health insurance.  Our insurance runs us around $650.00 per year....yes per YEAR.  Most families pay double or triple that a month.  Tricare Prime is really good insurance.  We pay $12.00 for a doctor visit and between $25.00 and $30.00 for emergency room visits or any kind of procedures we need done and we have no deductible. Jon deserves the benefits he has.  He put in almost 30 years in the military.  That meant a lot of time away from his family and time spent in places that put him in danger. We lived apart over 3 years while he was in Japan and I was in Louisiana.  He spent almost six months stuck in Oman and he spent time in Kuwait.   He earned his benefits. 

Listening to these people call in and tell about how high their insurance premiums were, how high their deductibles were and how they are having to work 2 and sometimes 3 jobs just to keep above water makes me sad but also thankful. It makes me sad to see so many people that are fearful of getting sick.  Fearful of losing their jobs and fearful of losing their homes. I have family members that are in the same situation.  Not able to afford health insurance and scared that something will  happen to them that will make them unable to work.  I've been in those shoes.  In my former life, I lived paycheck to paycheck not really sure if I would be able to pay the bills and still put food on the table but I was young and healthy.  I didn't think about buying health insurance.  I rarely went to the doctor but I was lucky enough to work in a pharmacy and had access to medication if I did get sick.  So many out there don't have anything to fall back on if something happens to them.  If they lose their job, have an accident or become seriously ill.  So what is the answer?  Is there a solution to this problem? I think, if the free market were allowed to prosper, the cost of medical care and health insurance would not be as costly but I don't see that changing.  The government is too entrenched in our lives. They tell us we HAVE to buy health insurance and then, because of regulations, make the insurance almost impossible to buy.  It is not possible to buy health insurance across state lines and that gives most insurance companies a monopoly on the market it their state.  If we were able to buy any insurance, the companies would become more competitive and that would lower the premiums....but that won't happen.  Health insurance companies and their executives are becoming filthy rich on the backs of average Americans and then they hire lobbyists to go to our elected officials and persuade them to not change the laws so they can keep getting richer. 

 Government intervention is the reason for our health care crisis plain and simple.
  
So why do we continue to re-elect the same people who do the same things, day in and day out?  Who keep getting richer while average Americans keep getting poorer.  I'm not sure why but we do.  The people of Arizona keep re-electing John McCain who has been a politician for 35 years. Kentucky keeps re-electing Mitch McConnell.  He has been a senator there since 1984.  South Carolina keeps re-electing Lindsey Graham.  He was first elected to the House of Representatives in 1995 and then went on to become a Senator.  Nancy Pelosi has represented California's 12th district since 1987.  Barbara Boxer has been a Senator since 1992.  Charlie Rangel has been in office since 1971!! 
These are just a few examples of politicians that keep getting re-elected even though they are doing a terrible job of representing their constituents, well maybe not Pelosi , Boxer and Rangel. The do represent California and New York soooooo. 

I keep hearing from Glenn and others like him that we need to call our representatives and let them know how we feel about the issues that affect us.  I gotta wonder if they are even listening anymore.  If we don't get people in office that ACTUALLY care about those they represent then nothing is going to change.  If we keep re-electing those that are getting richer while Americans keep getting poorer nothing we have no one to blame but ourselves.  


End of Rant.

Are church denominations biblical?

Something I have been pondering for a while is the question of church denominations.  We have tried several.  I grew up Lutheran and that is the church we were married in.  We went to an Evangelical Free Church in Iowa which I really liked.  Until recently we were attending Baptist churches here in Texas although I didn't always agree with their theology.  We have gone back to our Lutheran roots for now anyway because we have become disillusioned with the others.  I wish we could go back to a time when there were no "denominations".  To a time when people met together to worship, fellowship, and help each other.   I think churches today have become so hung up on the service they have forgotten to serve.  Many churches have become so big and impersonal, it is all about the atmosphere and music, we have forgotten who we are there to worship.  It has been suggested to us to start a home church, an idea that I actually like.  Maybe we could get away from the conflicts that seem to plague today's churches and get back to the basics.  I'm not sure where I am going with this but it is something I have been thinking about for a while.   

Are we only the body of Christ on Sunday?

After posting my last blog about churches I didn't receive any feedback which kind of disappointed me.  The only thing I saw was a post from a pastor who basically said it was my own fault if I feel the way I do.  He didn't send it directly to me but I knew from the content that his Facebook post was a response to my blog. It was not what I expected.

My next question is this...Are we only the body of Christ on Sunday?  We have some friends that Jon met at the flea market in Linden a couple years ago.  They go to the church we went to and we do a lot with them.  We go out to eat, shop and generally help each other out when we need it.  They are really wonderful people. I think the reason we have hit is off is they are prior military, have moved around as much as we have, and understand how hard it is to get connected in a new community.  They reached out to us when we were looking to make new friends and connect with people.  I guess I am writing this particular blog to ask how often you, as a member of a church, reach out to new people outside of church? Do you see them on any other day besides Sunday?  They are the only people from any of the churches we have attended here that did and we didn't even meet them at church.  It just so happened they were going to the same church as us.  Are we not suppose to interact with others from the church outside of "church"?  Acts 2:46-47 says
"Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.

So the new testament church met daily, not just on Sunday. Why don't we, in the modern church, do the same?  Is it that we are just too busy?  Is it that we just don't see it as important? Do we have enough friends and just don't need anymore? Are we content to just do "church" on Sunday, check that box off our schedule, and go on with our lives?  

I know I am guilty of this.  I come up with excuses as to why I don't....I am uncomfortable reaching out to new people....I like my life the way it is.....what if I don't like the person after I get to know them?  But I feel like I am missing something.  I feel like I am not living for God the way I should be.  I know it is a weakness of mine and something I continue to pray about and ask for guidance. I don't really know why I am writing this blog, maybe to help me work out my own issues.  Maybe to encourage you to go talk to those new people and maybe invite them to lunch. Hopefully you are encouraged to reach out to someone who needs a friend and maybe I will too.  

  

Is tithing just keeping a building open?

Jon and I have been having a challenge lately.  We were going to a baptist church in Linden, Texas but decided we needed a change so we started going to a Lutheran church in Atlanta, Texas instead.  It is a small church with a very small congregation of mostly older people.  The pastor was retired and decided he would help out a couple small churches who couldn't support a pastor so he came out of retirement and preaches at this church and another in Texarkana, Arkansas.  We have always been members of a church but haven't really participated much, maybe because we have moved around so much and have had a hard time getting connected.  Now don't get me wrong we love the Lord but not today's modern church so much.  I recently read a blog entitled "Meet those who Love Jesus but not the church" 

https://www.barna.com/research/meet-love-jesus-not-church/#.WOXUP4tY1sM. 

 The blog is in regard to a survey that was made questioning people about their spiritual life and if they go to church or not.  I was surprised to find that I am not the only one who feels like the church isn't relevant to them.  I was surprised to read that I am not the only one who loves God but have found that they have lost faith in the church.   
 Are today's modern churches failing because they put too much emphasis on the building and staff and not enough on the people?  Jon and I have always thought tithing was very important and we do give to the church we are attending. We also give to other Christian organizations that we know are making a difference but we are battling with ourselves over the idea that the tithe we give to our local church isn't making a difference, that it is being used to keep up a building, and pay for staff.  If you google this topic you will get as many post for supporting pastors and churches 

http://christianmediamagazine.com/5-things-bible-says-paying-pastors-church-leaders/

as you get against

http://www.truthguard.com/Articles/has-god-really-commanded-that-pastors-be-paid-a66.html. 

How do we know if it is biblical for a pastor and a building to be supported by a congregation when there are so many different opinions on the subject?  Are we wrong to feel the way we feel?  Are we wrong to want to know that the tithe we give is being used to help bring people to God and not to pay for building?  Now I don't expect to get the answers we need from writing this blog but I wanted to start a conversation on the subject.  I want to hear from others who feel the way I do and from others who think it is the responsibility of the congregation to support a pastor and church.  

Music has the power to transport you back in time

I love music.  I love classic rock music, old country music, old R&B music, contemporary Christian music and even a little bit of older rap music.  Its funny how I will hear a song on the radio and say "this is one of my top 10 favorite songs"  but I seem to say that a lot.  Some of my favorites are Sister Golden Hair by America https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIycEe59Auc, Song Sung Blue by Neil Diamond https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru6oaMLzXYA,  Ramblin Man by The Allman Brothers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4WiyxXpyZc, Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VxoXn-0Ezs, most Chicago songs before Peter Cetera took over the group after Terry Kath died and ruined it, lots of Waylon Jennings just because he and Neil Diamond were about the only 2 artists Mom would let me listen to in the car.   It is amazing how a song you haven't heard in a long time can take you back to a time when you were young or when you thought you were in love, to a memory from childhood.  A song that you sang with your mom or dad or partied to as a teenager.  A song you danced the night away to at the local club.  Music has the power to make you young again, to make you relive your glory days.   I hear certain songs that take me back to swimming with my dad at the base pool, songs that I skated to at the skating rink, songs I listened to when I partied at the parkway, songs I listened to when I played pool with Jan, songs I danced to at Cowboy's with my friend John or Memories with my friend Melody, songs that I sang in church as I worshiped God. Music has an amazing ability to transport you back to a time when life seemed simple, when you still had family and friends in your life, to a time when your kids were small or teenagers.  I love music.

Should Christians be held to a higher standard?

Lately my husband and I have been struggling with something.  A member of the church we attend recently got married which is wonderful.  They are expecting a baby which is also wonderful.  She conceived said baby before they were married which, in this day and age, isn't all that unusual.  Our concern is this individual leads worship, plays with the praise band and helps with the youth group.  This person has a very active Facebook page so I am sure everyone at church knows his situation. They know this couple were living together before they got married and they know how far along in her pregnancy she was when they married.  Our question and/or concern is....should this matter?  Shouldn't the church and the people who represent the church be held to a higher standard? Are we being to judgmental? Should we just ignore the fact that this couple was living in a way that isn't biblical or should we just accept it as the new normal?  This man interacts with the youth group.  Will the youth of the church look at his situation and think that behavior is okay?  Should we accept gossip, slandering, premarital sex, use of pornography, homosexual lifestyles...etc? Once again I have to say, that I am no saint, but I try, but I do not represent the church the way he does. This man helps lead worship.  I wonder if our pastor talked with him.  I wonder if any of the deacons talked with him.  I wonder if anyone cares.    Am I wrong to think the people at church, who profess to be Christians, should strive to live a life that is pleasing to God?  I know we are all broken and in need of grace and mercy but do we excuse the blatant disregard for what the bible teaches us about sex and marriage? Do we turn a blind eye when we see someone in the church openly committing a sin that could negatively impact the church?  Paul admonished the church in Corinth to judge those in the church committing sins, should we not do that in the modern church?  Are we intolerant or hateful if we do that today? 
 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

12What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you." 1Corinthians 5: 11-12

Not sure what we are to do with these feelings except pray for God to direct us in the path we should follow.