Once again I don't matter

 I was informed today that the whole family is coming over Sunday afternoon for "Christmas" since we didn't get to celebrate it last year because of illness.  Normally I would be okay with that but it sure would be nice to be asked if I was okay with it.  I HATE when plans are made for me without my knowledge or permission.  Last time I looked this was my house, my name is on the deed but that doesn't seem to mean anything to certain people in this family.  When we bought this house we were told "it's your house you can do what you want"  I've said this before but once again that simply isn't true.  I could be a total bitch and just stay upstairs and I just might do that.  I hate when I am forced to participate in a family function that I don't even what to happen in my house.  My house.....what a joke.  The only thing that is mine in this house is the bills. 

Who does my husband care about more?

 When we made the decision to move to Iowa to live with my mother-in-law there were things I told him I wanted as soon as we moved in.  The big one for me is a dishwasher.....I NEED a dishwasher.  He seemed all on board with that plan until his mom got her panties in a wad about it and said we don't need one.  SOOOOOO we don't have a dishwasher which makes me very angry.  I'm angry because she told us when we bought the house "it is your house and you can do what you want"......well not really.  I can only do what I want as long as she is okay with it.  What is more frustrating is his lack of understanding on how all this makes me feel, like I have to compete with her about everything.  Now don't get me wrong she is not a bad person and for the most part she is easy to get along with. My problem is my husband and his inability to see things from my point of view.  I told him today I shouldn't be surprised that he can't talk to her about difficult things because all the brothers are a bunch of mama's boys. So that leaves me without dishwasher because Jon refuses to tell his mom it is what I want.  Or is my problem that he just doesn't get that this is important to me? Or does he care more about his mother's feeling than mine? So are her feelings more important than mine?  How long do I live in a house that doesn't feel like my home even though we pay all the bills?  How long do I put up with my husband caring more about him mom's feeling than mine?  How do I come to grip with the thought that my husband is oblivious to the depression I am feeling because I am playing second fiddle to his mom? I've talked about feeling a LOT!  My feelings are incredibly hurt by all this and even more hurt that he can't seem to see that.  He is more concerned with upsetting her than he is about making me happy and that makes me very unhappy.  

So there are days when it is more than I can handle and I have a melt down and sulk upstairs all day.  I had one of those last week and when she asked if I was okay he felt the need to tell her I was upset.  Did he tell her why I was upset.....NOOOOO that would be the thing to do but he didn't.  

I gave up everything I loved in Texas to move here so she wouldn't be alone and all I want for it is a stupid dishwasher but NOOOOO can't have that.  Anyway that is my vent for the day.  I'm sure I could go on and on about this but what is the point?  Venting on this blog won't get me any closer to having a dishwasher.