Why do some get their miracle from God and others don't?

I just finished watching Miracles from Heaven.  It was such a wonderful movie.  If you haven't seen it the movie is about a little girl from Texas who has a disease that causes her intestines to not digest food. Her mom gets her an appointment with a doctor at Boston Children's Hospital who is an authority her condition but he doesn't give the family any hope.   There is no cure for it only experimental treatments.  She continues to get sicker and sicker with no hope for the future. She tells her mom she is ready to die because she is in so much pain and knows she isn't going to get better.  Once home she climbs an old hollowed out tree with her sister and falls down the middle of it. She is knocked out and it takes the fire department over 3 hours to get her out. Because the tree is completely hollow they can't cut the it down for fear it will collapse and crush her.  For whatever reason the fall healed her. She came out of the fall with only a few cuts and scrapes and her digestive system just started working again.  She told her parents she talked to God and told him she didn't want to go back but He told her she needed to and that she would be okay.  
I tell you all this with the big question "Why did her miracle get answered?"  When Dad was in the hospital he had so many people praying for him.  We all prayed for a miracle, that he would be healed and come home but that didn't happen. I remember sitting by his bed talking to him and praying over him.  I remember Royette doing the same as well as the pastor from their church.  I know everyone at her church was praying the same thing, that he would recover from the complications from surgery.  So why didn't God grant us our miracle?  I wish I knew the answer to that. I wish I could understand God's plan for us and what we are suppose to learn from Dad's passing.  We hear, when there is a death in the family or someone is injured, that God is in control and has a plan for everything.....WOW is that hard to grasp. As I sit here typing this blog on Christmas eve I keep thinking about the miracle that is Jesus Christ. God gave us his only Son as a sacrifice for our sins.  I know that should comfort me. I know my dad is in heaven and that he isn't feeling any more pain or sadness but that doesn't make me miss him any less.  I still get angry. Angry at the doctors thinking they missed something.  Angry at myself for maybe not praying enough.  Anger and sadness that I won't ever talk to him again.  Angry at God that we didn't get our miracle.  

It's Christmas Eve Eve

I am sitting here listening to talk radio and Aurorra is in the living room wrapping presents she bought with her Christmas money.  She is such a giver. She took HER money she got as a gift and used it to buy gifts.  What a blessing she is.  Jon and Tristan are off doing their guy things.  I know they stopped at the gun store and they probably will end up at Tractor Supply before the day is done and I'm sure they will find something completely unhealthy to eat for lunch since that is what guys do.  I know Tristan loves spending time with Jon. I think it is good for him to spend time with men who will set an example of what it is to be a gentleman.  
I am praying everyone is able to spend time with the ones they love and remember the ones we have lost.  I pray you all will give thanks for the blessings in your lives and remember why we celebrate this season.  We were all given the biggest gift. The gift of Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.  The gift of a baby who grew to be the savior of the world . The gift of eternal life is ours for the asking if we believe in Him.
Merry Christmas!!

What causes a bully to be a bully?

Our grand kids lived with my husband and I for 8 years.  We didn't intend to keep them that long but it just worked out that way.  I knew early on that 2 of them, Aurorra and Tristan, were different.  Aurorra was always a little quirky and Tristan was always like a bull in a china shop.  He would just do whatever he wanted and didn't think of the consequences.  He was kicked out of a mother's day out program when he was 2 because the teacher just couldn't handle this energetic little boy that never seemed to sit still and was always into something. We decided to home school them when Arkansas implemented common core. I had read a lot about it and knew I didn't want the kids in a school that taught common core studies.  Another reason we decided to home school was Tristan. He was in kindergarten by then and always in trouble. He was bored and just couldn't seem to sit still for long.  We took him to the doctor and got the usual prescription for ADHD medication.  It did help him in school only because it zoned him out and he didn't have any desire to cause trouble.  I hated it because he just wasn't our Tristan when he was on it.  Now Tristan is all boy but the medicine made him more like a zombie......I hated it.  We home schooled for 3 years and then they went back to live with their mother and that meant they would be back in public school.  I knew Tristan would have a hard time adapting because he has always been a creature of habit and doesn't like change but I thought Destiny and Aurorra would be okay.  They both did fine when we lived in Arkansas and I thought that would continue in Louisiana. I was not surprised that Destiny thrived in school.  She has always been very competitive and loves to be the head of her class and all the praise that goes along with that.  I was surprised at how bad Tristan and Aurorra have been bullied.  Now I know Aurorra is quirky but she is quite the social butterfly so I thought she would fine her niche....she didn't.  Middle school is terrible especially if you are a little different.  The kids have been ruthless to the both of them and what is even more sad is the lack of empathy from the teachers and faculty at the school.  So why are they bullied?   What makes a child or young adult think this is acceptable behavior?  Does it start in the home? I always told the kids if I EVER found out they bullied or picked on anyone life for them would become very difficult. I guess parents don't do the same with their kids.  I think it is so sad that these 2 kids, and I am sure dozens more, hate going to school everyday because they know when they get there they will be picked on, insulted, and tormented the entire day.  I think it is sad that you have kids in middle school committing suicide because they just can't take the bullying anymore and what is even sadder is the parents of the bullies don't seem to teach their children that it is wrong to pick on or bully someone just because they are a little different or don't fit in how you think they should.  God made us all different, that is what makes us great.  How boring would life be if we were all the same?  Being unique or quirky shouldn't be seen as a reason to pick on ANYONE. I know Tristan and Aurorra just want to be accepted for who they are.  They are amazing kids who just want to be liked, they want to have friends and do the things kids their ages do.  Bullies make that almost impossible. Most days I just want them to come back home so I can teach them here and protect them from the jerks and bullies of the world but I don't know if that is the answer. Will cause more harm than good? Maybe for just a couple more years until they are old enough to understand the hatefulness that is in the world and be able to stand up for themselves. Their mom is doing an amazing job and everything possible to protect them but she can't be at the school all the time.  She can't be there to stop them from being bullied and she can't count on the school to step in and stop the bullying from happening.  So what is the solution?  I wish I knew but I am afraid of what could happen if they get pushed too far. Please pray for the Tristans and Aurorras of the world. Pray that they are able to ignore the ugliness that is around them and concentrate on their studies. Pray for the bullies of the world that they would open their eyes to the damage they are causing with their behavior.  Pray for the parents of the bullies that they would see the damage their children are doing to other children.  Pray for the parents of the bullied that they can make their children understand that there is ugliness in the world but they are special and loved.  

http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/facts-on-bullying.html

How do we cope with the loss of a loved one?

It has been a tough year and a half for our family.  My dad died on August 21, 2015, my mom died on June 19, 2016 on Father's Day.  Jon's grandmother died on November, 27, 2016 and my boxer Chloe died today, November 28, 2016.  Now I know there are those that would say I shouldn't include my dog in with family members but I would have to disagree with them.  She was very much a part of our family, she had been my dog for 11+ years so life will be very different without her around.  

As I mourned the loss of my Chloe this morning it kind of hit me how much loss we have had to deal with in such a short period of time.  To say it has been difficult would be an understatement.  How does one learn to live without their beloved family member?  How much loss can a person or family take?  I wish I had an answer for that question. Today I feel completely overwhelmed with grief and sorrow.  It just seems to wash over me and I can hardly catch my breath.  My head hurts from crying and all I want to do is curl up in bed and forget everything.  Unfortunately I don't have that luxury.  The animals are not going to feed themselves and someone has to milk the goats so that is out of the question.  Life goes on at least that is what I am told.  I guess I will have to learn to cope somehow, it won't be easy but then again the last year and 4 months have been anything but easy. I thought I had made progress after Mom and Dad died but losing Chloe today seems to have set me back quite a bit. I feel like I am starting over again with the feelings of loss and grief, of sorrow and sadness.  I knew I was going to lose Chloe soon, her health had declined pretty rapidly in the last few months.  The best estimate of her age was 13 to 14 years so she was quite old for a boxer. She lived a very long life but I don't think you really ever get "ready" to lose someone or something you love.  Even though I knew her life was going to come to an end soon I was still devastated when she died this morning.  The saying "this too shall pass" keeps running through my mind. I know I will be sad for a while but life does go on.  There are animals to feed and gardens to grow and life will go on but it sure won't be the same.  It hasn't been the same since Mom and Dad died but I have learned to adapt to a new normal and I know I will do the same for Chloe.   

  For my Chloe 

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

So much hate and ugliness in the world....why?

     I saw a video on Facebook last night. It was a few guys in a boat on a lake or river who came upon a dog that someone dumped.  The dog was sitting along the bank tangled in some roots.  He had tape wrapped around his muzzle and the back of his head. The guys were able to get the dog in the boat and cut the tape off his muzzle.  The poor baby was cold and weak from not eating.  God only knows how long the dog had been there before he was found by those good samaritans who saved it. Now why would someone do something like that to a defenseless dog?  Why would anyone think that is acceptable?  I have such a hard time understand the evil and ugliness that is in our world today. Last week I heard of a woman who was saved that was found chained up like a dog in a shipping container in North Carolina.  She had been in that container for 2 months.  They believe her boyfriend was killed and buried on the property.  The guy that owned the property was a registered sex offender and probably a serial killer. They believe there are at least 4 others buried on the property.  
     Now I know there has always been evil in the world but the question I have is this;  is there more evil in the world now or is it that the evil is the same but we are able to hear about it more because of the internet?  We all learned about Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot in high school history but were they the exceptions or were they just an example of our inhumanity?  Are people inherently evil and fight daily to keep it in check or are these just examples of "bad" people?      
     Before I became a Christian I thought Christians were weak.  I wondered why people had to believe in a higher power to be good.  Why do we need God to teach us right from wrong?  I knew right from wrong when I wasn't a Christian.  I knew stealing was wrong,  murder was evil and lying was bad.  Maybe it was just ingrained in me from church when I was little.  I guess there are those in this world who really struggle with this issue and rely on God to keep the on the straight path.  Only God knows the answer.            
     As for me I will continue to believe that God is good, that He is in control, that his word is powerful and we should follow it.   I will try to look at people through his eyes and always look for the best in them.  
        

You should plant a garden

I love to garden.  I love growing my own food.  I love digging in the dirt and getting my hands dirty.  I don't love the backache that comes with it but I have learned to deal with it.  Working in the garden is very gratifying.  What other activity can you do that gives you a return of fresh vegetables for your trouble?  What other activity connects you with the earth more than growing your own vegetables?  None that I can think of.  Watching my broccoli and cauliflower grow, anticipating the harvest and how good it will taste makes me happy. Oh well it's the little things in life that make life worth living.......wow that was deep!

We made it through another election

I was so disappointed that Ted Cruz didn't get the nomination and I swore I would not vote for Trump. Well I had to eat crow yesterday because that is what I did.  I literally had tears in my eyes as I pressed the "cast ballot" button on the machine.  It was sad to see those names on the ballot when we had so many good choices in the beginning and ended up with Trump, Clinton, and Johnson. 
Never in my adult life or have I felt so much dread over an election. As I stayed up late looking at the returns on the internet. I was shocked to see Trump win state after state.  I was so convinced that Clinton was going to be our next president and that just filled me with fear and sadness.  Now I am still fearful for my country but  I also have just a tiny bit of hope. How wonderful is it that so many people actually got out and voted yesterday!  I added up just the top 5 and it was close to 125 million votes and that is astounding. It is amazing and sad at the same time that it took the fear of Clinton becoming president to get that many evangelicals out to vote or maybe it is because Trump was the nominee on the right and that is still sad that they put so much faith in someone who is so flawed. Maybe it is about redemption,  is it the hope that a man like Trump might be a good president?  It is hard to say what caused so many to get out and vote yesterday but I am thankful they did.   
Trump has a clean slate and I will be praying that he does the right things for our country.  I hope and pray that he nominates a godly person to fill the vacant supreme court seat like he promised and the others that are expected to become vacant in the next few years.  I hope he follows through on his promise to secure our borders, to keep Americans safe and to help create and economy that will encourage companies to bring back manufacturing from overseas.  I hope and pray that he sticks to his word when he says he is the president of everyone and doesn't use his position to punish those who spoke out against him or didn't support him.  I pray he is the president so many hope he will be.  
God Bless America and God Bless our new president. 
  

This holiday season

Last year was the first holiday season without Dad and it was pretty hard on all of us.  I bought a juniper bush for a Christmas tree and planted it in the back yard.  I really didn't want to even do that but we did have the kids here part of the time and I didn't want to deprive them of a tree. We have lost Mom since last Christmas so this year will be doubly bittersweet.  Now that it is almost that time of year again I have decided to celebrate the holiday season like Mom and Dad are still here. I know they wouldn't want us moping around and I refuse to do that again this year.  I am hoping the rest of the family will do the same.  I am also hoping we will be able to have our annual Christmas get-together here at the house this year.  I want to make all the stuff Mom and Dad would have liked with LOTS of desserts.  I want to celebrate the birth of our Lord with family, reminisce about past holidays and make new memories. I want to celebrate life like I know they would want us to do.  This is an invitation to the whole family to come on out to our house in East Texas and lets spend some time together.  Lets share stories and eat some yummies and have a good time. 

I still miss my dad

My dad was pretty great. We were so much alike we could almost finish each other's sentences.  He called me at least twice a week just to see what was up and I could always count on him to call if the weather was bad in our area.  I was a typical daddy's girl.  He taught me how to swim.  We spend many a day at the enlisted pool at Barksdale AFB.    You had to be able to swim all the way across the pool to be able to jump off the diving boards.  He was so proud when I accomplished that.  He always brought a radio for us to listen to. Even today if I hear a particular song I tell Jon it is a swimming pool song. 
 He taught me how to drive in his 1964 Ford Galaxie 500.  It was an awesome car with duels and glass packs.  When he wrecked it I was so sad.  I tell Jon I wish we could find one to buy because I would love to drive one again.  He almost always had a motor cycle when I was a kid and some of my greatest memories are going for a ride with him.  He is the reason I love motor cycles.  I never did get a chance to learn to drive one but I love riding on the back.  
I get my road rage from him.  Once he was taking my friend and me somewhere and someone did something stupid.  Of course he started yelling out the window at them and honking his horn.  I just laughed because it is what he did but my friend was horrified.  I looked in the back seat and she was down on the floor hiding.  When Jon and I are driving and someone does something stupid I get just as mad as my dad did although I don't honk anymore.  You just never know who has a gun and will use it.  
He would come up to visit pretty often. Sometimes he just wanted to get out of town and he knew it was quiet here.  Even when we still lived in Arkansas he would drive up and spend a week or so with us.  One New Year's day we spent the whole day watching The Walking Dead.  It was a great day.  Even though he was pretty loud in the morning I got used to it.  Jon is an early riser so he and dad would sit on the front porch drinking coffee until I got my lazy behind out of bed.  
It has been over a year since he passed and I am amazed at how sad I am still.  For some reason this week has been hard.  It isn't the anniversary of his death although maybe it is because his birthday was earlier this month.  Not sure why but I have thought about him a lot.  I often wonder if I will ever get over losing him.  Sometimes I think I am just being a baby about it.  I know he wouldn't want me moping around, he would want me to live life to the fullest like he did but it doesn't make me miss him any less.  

If you still have your dad around cherish the time you get to spend with him because he could be gone in the blink of an eye.  

I Love you Dad

Why can't we use the correct words correctly anymore?

This morning I was reading an interesting article on the cycles of civil war. It was a good article until I got to this sentence. 

" The phone lines were cut so that no one could call for help and many blacks were forced to flea seeking help, but they were killed on the spot. " https://www.armstrongeconomics.com/world-news/civil-unrest/the-cycle-of-civil-unrest-martial-law/

Can anyone spot the problem with this sentence? Flea instead of Flee. WOW! This isn't the first time I have read an article and found misspellings and/or incorrect use of words but it drives me CRAZY!! If you are going to go through the trouble to write up an article for a blog or magazine can't you at least proof read it to make sure you are spelling words correctly or using the correct word? I think the one that makes me the most crazy is weather instead of whether or maybe there instead of their. Have we  stopped caring about grammar, punctuation and spelling?  Now I am no authority when it comes to these things, I am terrible with commas. I always put them where I think they belong and don't put them where they do belong but at least I try. The fact that these articles get published with these errors is fascinating to me. I guess there are no more editors to proof read and correct them before they get published and the author either doesn't have the time, the inclination or the ability to see their mistakes before they send them out for the general public to read. I know it is probably being nick-picky but DANG!! If little ol' GED holding me can go through the trouble to look up a word, to see if I am using it correctly or have it spelled correctly why can't the the authors do the same?

I thought of this today because I was reading a Facebook post and a woman was talking about her dog. She said her dog needs hydrotherapy but wouldn't be "aloud" to go unless it was up to date on it's vaccinations. ALOUD! REALLY! The definition of aloud is audibly; not silently or in a whisper:
"he read the letter aloud" http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/
That took me about a minute to look up.
The correct word is allowed- To let do or happen; permit:
The Free Dictionary.
I am now done with this public service announcement a.k.a. the rant of the day. People please proof read before your publish it could save a life.

Why we moved to Texas

We had a good life in Arkansas.  Jon was retired from the Air Force and had a decent job at Little Rock AFB.  I was a stay at home grams homeschooling the kids.  We lived in a 2800 sq ft house on 1.33 acres.  It had 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and an in-ground pool in the back yard.  We had room for the goats, chickens and a really nice garden.  We had some great friends and were doing really well.  Then we started really looking at the world around us.  Seems like things are only getting worse with rumors of wars, economic issues, droughts and other occurring natural disasters happening around the world.  We asked ourselves do we really want to be this close to a major city like Little Rock if something bad happened? Do we want to be deep in debt to live in a big house with a pool? The answer was NO!!  We lived out of the city but still near enough to worry if things went bad.  So we decided to move to Texas.  We started looking for some land.....very rural land.  We found our little piece of heaven on the internet.  Jon drove over here to look around and we decide Texas is the place to be so we loaded up the truck and moved to Marrietta, well it was sort of like that.  It took us about 6 months to sell our house but God provided a buyer for us.  It was stressful getting a double-wide back this far off the road but God provided capable movers who knew exactly what to do. 
Now we are what you might call preppers.  I don't particularly like that name but that is what others would probably say about us.  We live way off the beaten path.  We cannot see any of our neighbors from our porch and can only hear them if they play their music REALLY loud.  I don't hear traffic noise or trains, about the only things we hear around here is the crow of a rooster, the quack of a duck, the moo of a cow, the bleat of a goat, the occasional howl of a coyote, or the wind rustling the leaves in the trees and  I LOVE IT!!     We had to give up some conveniences to live here the biggest being shopping.  The closest store to us is 5 miles away but it is just a little convenience store.  They sell soda, assorted fried food, fishing worms and the such.  You know the little mom and pop place run by Cambodians, its what you see in Texas every day. Our closest big store is stupid Walmart and that is 20 miles away and if we want to do some serious shopping that is a 35 mile drive to the big city of Texarkana.  Since I do a lot of shopping online now I have gotten to know the Fed-Ex lady very well and the UPS guys are super cool.  I tell people all the time if I could order bananas from Amazon I probably would never leave my house.  Anyway that is the story and I am sticking to it....for now anyway.  

Bill Clinton and Donald Trump

   I find it absolutely amazing how every who is a Trump supporter uses Bill Clinton to justify how Trump treats women.  We know there have been several women who have come out and accused Bill Clinton of some kind of sexual assault and he has been condemned by those on the right for years for his actions.  There is even a young man from Little Rock who claims to be his son from a prostitute.  We all know Bill Clinton is a womanizing dirt bag.  We also know that Hillary covered for him.  She was known to go to these women and threaten them with all sorts of repercussions if they came forward and exposed what her husband did to them, so how does that make what Donald Trump did okay?  The right went after him with a vengeance for his affairs and for lying about them so why are we giving Trump a pass for doing some of the same things?  Is it because he has an R after his name?  When did we stop expecting more from our candidates on the right?  I expect democrats to act this way because most of them have very little moral character.  They support same sex marriage, abortion on demand including late term abortion,  teaching kids it is okay to be transsexual and that lying and cheating are a means to an end.  The republican party was suppose to be different.  They are suppose to be the party of morals and family values and knowing right from wrong, who believe in the Bible and it's teachings but that just isn't the case anymore.  Today's republican is only worried about one thing and that is winning.  They don't seem to care about the people that got them elected any more than those on the left.  They make backroom deals to push forward an anti-American agenda that only serves to make them richer and more powerful while hurting the people that voted for them.  So are those on the right that are ardent Trump supporters being hypocritical?  I say yes!!  To condemn Bill Clinton and condone Donald Trump for treating women the same way is being a hypocrite!  My mom always told me "Two wrongs don't make a right" and I think that saying is very applicable today.   

Government out of control

     When did we lose control of our lives?  It seems like the government controls every aspect of out lives to the foods we eat and the cars we drive. This election only confirms to me that maybe that is for the best.  We, the people on the right, had 16 candidates to chose from and we picked Donald Trump. Maybe we are not capable to make decisions for ourselves.  We had some great candidates too.  My favorites were Ted Cruz and Scott Walker but many of the others would have been a much better candidate.  At this point I would have been happier with Jeb Bush and that is saying a lot. 
      I think the thing that has made me the saddest and maddest about this election is how so many on the right and especially evangelical leaders are defending Donald Trump.  This is a man that has admitted to having affairs and has been accused of groping women but that just doesn't seem to matter to them.  He is said to be contrite and apologetic for his actions but I don't buy it.  All I hear is "We can't let Hillary win" but what are we giving up to get him elected?  Are we selling out our principles for the sake of an election? I fear the Christian churches and evangelicals in particular will reap the affects of supporting Donald Trump for years to come.  How is it possible to spread the word of God and support Donald Trump at the same time? How is it possible to condemn sin and condone it at the same time?

     I also hear people say that his language was just him being a man and that is the way guys talk. So the fact that he is a misogynistic jerk who thinks women are only good for one thing and thinks it is okay to insult and demean them every chance he gets is the guy you want in the White House? Is this is the example you want set for your sons? or the way you would want your daughters treated?

     So we have to pick between a womanizing jerk who has no concept of foreign policy and an incompetent liar who let our people die and lied to the faces of the families who can't even keep up with her emails but is expected to be able to keep our country safe while protecting national security......Geez this should end well.    

Living a simple life

Live life simply is what I aspire to do.  We moved from Cabot Arkansas to Marietta Texas for just that reason.  We wanted to get back to a simple life of working our land and taking care of our livestock and for the most part that is what we do.  Jon works Monday thru Thursday but always gets things done around the farm when it is needed.  I talked him into building some raised beds for our winter garden. The location for our summer garden works well in the summer but just doesn't get enough sunlight to grow in the fall and winter.  After he built them I worried that animals would get into them and destroy everything we planted so he made covers from pvc  pipe and chicken wire that are exactly what we needed to keep the critters out.  I have broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, onions, lettuce and spinach planted so far.  Those are the things we eat a lot of and if I can keep from running to the store as often I would be thrilled. Left to plant are carrots, garlic and maybe turnips.  I don't really love them but they are easier to grow than potatoes and taste almost the same in a soup or stew.  I just have to hold my nose to eat them because they stink, at least I think so.  Anyway that is what is happening on the farm today. 

Losing a friendship

I had a really close friend. I won't say her who she was but we were really close.  We talked on the phone just about every day and spent most holidays and birthdays together when I live in Louisiana while Jon was in Japan. Actually I have known her for 30 years. We ran together when we were younger.  We played a lot of pool and hung out at the bars then we both got married and life got in the way.  She had a husband to deal with and so did I.  We didn't talk for about 7 years and then one day she called me out of the blue.  It was like we hadn't even missed those 7 years, we immediately became close again.  I ran my phone bill up talking to her from Japan and didn't even care,  then I screwed it up....bad.  I did something to hurt her and she hasn't been able to forgive me and that makes me incredibly sad.  I know it was my fault and I did apologize but she just couldn't get past it.  It has been 8 years since we have spoken.  When my dad died I really thought that might be the thing that would cause her to forgive me, to realize life is short and then it can be over in the blink of an eye without the opportunity to say "good-bye" or  "I'm sorry" but it didn't change anything.  I find it amazing that I still miss her after all these years and wish I could take back what I did to hurt her.  I have had friends since but not one like her.  We could tell each other anything and talked about everything.  I tell you this with the hope that anyone reading this will cherish those once in a lifetime friendships and to not mess it up like I did.  

My Chloe Dog

I want to share my Chloe story.  My Chloe is a boxer who I adopted from the animal shelter in Abilene Texas.  They have a wonderful animal rescue organization there called rescuetheanimals.org.  
My whole life I have owned a dog or 2 or 5 but when we lived in Japan I was not allowed to own a dog.  We lived in what are called the towers which are just apartment complexes on the base.  We moved into the towers because there were no houses available at that time and thought we would be able to move once a house became available.  We didn't learn that wasn't possible until after we accepted the apartment.  Living in Japan was really hard for me, the move was very stressful and living so far away from family was really hard.  Jon was working 12 hour shifts all the time and we didn't see much of him.  Jon 2 and I butted heads a lot because he was just as stressed as I was but I just didn't appreciate how much.  I could own an animal as long as it lived in a cage.  Jon bought me some birds, finches to be exact, and they were pretty cool.  Then we got a guinea pig and it was okay but not it wasn't a dog.  I got pretty depressed and my doctor recommended that we be allowed to move out of the towers into a house but the base commander wouldn't allow it so we were stuck.  After 8 months I came back to the states to help a family member and ended up staying while Jon and Jon 2 stayed in Japan.  I tell you all this to explain Chloe.  I really wanted a dog no I needed a dog, a boxer to be exact.  I knew about the rescue organization because they are who we gave my pugs to when we got orders to Japan. I loved my pugs but just couldn't bring them with us and that made me really sad.  They were wonderful little dogs and it broke my heart to leave them behind. I started looking on their website and saw several boxers that had been put up for adoption.  I picked Chloe and the rescue group went and got her from the animal shelter, took her to the vet and had her spayed and checked over and had her ready when I went to pick her up.  It was a 5.5 hour drive from Haughton Louisiana to Abilene Texas but it was worth it.  When I picked her up she only weigh 29 pounds but she was so sweet and amazing and has been the best dog I have ever owned.  I write this blog because she is getting toward the end of her life.  Although I don't know her exact age it is estimated that she is probably 14 years old and that is pretty old for a boxer. She has lost some weight is having a harder time getting around.  Most of her teeth are gone so I have to make her wet food to eat but I am willing to do that for her.  I know every day I get to spend with her is a blessing and she will be missed when she crosses over that rainbow bridge to join my Duchess who was a boxer too. It is hard to believe the impact a dog can make on a person's life but Chloe did that for me.  She brought joy to my life when I needed it the most.  

My husband is AWESOME!!

I have the best husband in the world.   He is just incredible.  We were driving to town the other day and I remarked that I should have a job.  I haven't had an actual, go to work,  job in 11 years.  I have been a lady of leisure domestic goddess for a long time.  So I said "shouldn't I have a job?" and he said "no".  He thinks it is great that I don't work.  He is such and amazing provider that I don't "have" to have a job.  The most strenuous thing I do most days is make the bed.  I am lucky if I get out of my pj's by 11 and if I leave my house more than once a week that is an accomplishment and he is okay with that. We have dogs, 5 of them to be exact. I spend a LOT of money on dog food for them and he is okay with that.  If I buy something stupid on the internet he is okay with it.  I often wonder what I did to be blessed to have Jon as my husband.  I can't think of anything I have done to deserve him.  My dad used to tell me all the time that Jon was a great man and don't mess it up.  I even joked with Jon that Dad loved him more than me and only came to visit to see him.  God has definitely blessed me beyond what I deserve when he sent Jon into my life.  

A day in the life of a goat in love

We own goats, Nubian goats to be exact.  Nubian goats are big and beautiful and very expressive especially this time of year.  When the days get shorter and the nights get cooler Nubian goats start feeling a little amorous.  They start thinking about that boy or girl goat that has the stuff they are looking for.  For  bucks it is just any female (typical male).  For girls they are looking for the stinkiest most obnoxious buck they can find and they yell and yell to get their attention.  We are experiencing this phenomenon right now.  One of our does, Tina, is in season.  She paces up and down the fence line yelling at our bucks Truman and Jasper hoping that one of them will jump that fence and give her some lovin'. As for the boys they stand at their fence line looking longingly at her and wishing they could get out of their pasture to give her the lovin' she is longing for.  While waiting and watching they like to pee on their faces and curl their lip which makes them smell oh so nice.  It is not the best time to pet a buck because you come away with a stinky, pee soaked hand.  I don't go in their pasture when they are in rut because they become extra obnoxious, more than usual and like to push me around.  Our biggest buck weighs close to 200 pounds so I don't like to argue with him when he is in this frame of mind so for the next few months it will be Jon's job to go in there and take care of any business that needs tending too.  

Happy Birthday Dad!!

The 4 hardest days of the year for me are the days my mom and dad died and their birthdays. Today is my dads birthday and he would have been have been 79 years old if he were still with us.  Today I will cook a pot of spaghetti for him.  My dad was Italian and we ate a LOT of spaghetti. At least once a week he would make a pot and we would eat the leftovers for a few days after that. Seems like there was always a pot soaking in the sink from him making sauce.  For the longest time I refused to even make it.  I was so tired of spaghetti sauce.  Now I love pasta and would make every other kind but not the lovely red marinara sauce that my dad made.  My favorite is any kind of pasta with butter and parmesan cheese....YUM!!  Even today  it is still my favorite.  Simple but tasty but I digress.  My spaghetti sauce will not taste like my dads. I don't have his recipe (not that he really had one) and even if I did it just isn't the same.  To have dad's sauce you have to have dad here to make it and since that isn't possible I will do the best I can.   There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had my dad here to make us a big pot of his sauce.  Today I will carb out on spaghetti and garlic bread and remember what an awesome dad I had and how lucky I was to be his daughter.  Happy Birthday Dad!!

Who has it right?

I have been wondering which church has it right.  You know the whole worship thing.  Does any one particular church have the right music?  or the right building?  or how about the right way to baptize?  Some churches baptize babies while others say that is completely wrong...so who is right? I never understood the animosity some denominations have for others.  Growing up in the south was a different experience for this girl who grew up a Lutheran.  The baptists in the area didn't agree with what we were taught and on occasion let us know when they stopped by the house to invite us to church.     This blog isn't meant to bash baptists just an observation of how each church sees others.  Isn't the whole point of church to worship God with other believers?  To praise our Heavenly father?  When did it become a competition to see who can get the most people saved?  You would think churches would be happy to see other denominations thriving if it meant they were bringing people to the Lord but it just doesn't seem that way to me.  If you don't do "church" their way you are doing it wrong.  If you don't pray right or sing the right songs or have an alter call you just are doing it wrong.   But who decides what is right and wrong?  I was always taught if a church is teaching biblical principles it is a good church but with so many ways the bible is interpreted who gets to decide what is biblical?  One church speaks in tongues while others don't.  One has alter calls and not the other. There even those that think handling poisonous snakes is biblical......so who is right? I don't think anyone can answer that question and I guess we won't know until we get to heaven.  Can you imagine walking up to Jesus in heaven and asking him which church had it right? I imagine he will have a great answer.  

Why do we go to church?

I picked up the book “Radical” by David Platt. He is the pastor at The Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, Alabama and The Secret Church. This book got me thinking about church at least churches in the United States. His book starts out talking about the “churches” he went to and led in other countries. He shared stories of home churches in Asia where some members had walked or biked for miles to meet in small secret rooms to worship with a handful of other believers hoping to not get caught. They put their lives on the line to worship together. They knew if they were exposed they could face prison or death but still they went because they believed and loved the Lord enough to face the risk.
Here in the good ol’ U S of A we take that for granted me included. We get up on Sunday mornings, drink our coffee, put on our Sunday best, get into our air conditioned cars and drive a short 10 or 15 miles to sit in church, listen to the pastor half-heartedly and hope he gets done soon so we can get a table at the restaurant before it fills up with others getting out of church. We give our hour of time to God and go on about our business but did we really worship? Why do we go to church? What did we get out of it or better yes what did God get out of it? Have we made our churches into an entertainment industry? We have to be moved by the music or some wonderful video shown before the service starts. We have to be warm in winter and cool in summer. The chairs have to be comfortable with plenty of leg room and please make sure the sermon isn’t too controversial so no one is offended. Does church mean anything to us here anymore? So many pastors have made a point to avoid controversial topics like same-sex marriage, co-habitating, pornography, adultery and many other subjects that might cause someone to get indignant. They want people in the seats. They are afraid if they upset anyone they will look for another church that says exactly what they want to hear and I have to confess I was right there with them.
I write this only to ask the question and maybe cause us (me included) to think about what can we do to change this. We are so close to losing our ability to worship freely and we don’t even see it. There are stories in the news about people arrested for preaching on the street, people fined for holding bible studies in their homes and now the military bans bibles in the work place. Will we have to lose our right to worship before we appreciate it? If the penalty for getting caught is prison or worse would you still worship?

Blogging

I have thought about blogging for a while but didn't think I had enough to say that would interest anyone else but I thought I would give it a try anyway but blogging is hard!!  Who knew there were so many different blogging websites and trying to navigate them can be quite difficult.  Some say they are free until it is actually time to publish whatever it is you have written and then they demand payment. So far this one seems fairly user friendly and free so I will give it a try and see if I get any traffic.  I will probably ramble on at times about absolutely nothing but hey it's my site so I guess that is allowed.  Anyway I am off and walking slowly at this blogging thing.