Since we put the dishwasher in I have been trying to get thru my MIL's head that she doesn't need to do dishes but I can't seem to get her to understand or is it something else? I told Jon today that I thought she was doing it out of spite but he said she would never do anything spiteful......funny right! Like she isn't capable of that kind of emotion. I mean she is a woman right? I don't know to many if any that don't have spiteful thoughts and she didn't want the dishwasher for some strange, stupid reason to begin with. "We've done it this way for 50 years" or "I like washing dishes by hand" are the reasons I got for not needing a dishwasher. It just made me angry that he thinks his mother is so perfect. Now I know she is a kind woman but she is still a woman and she still has feelings even if he doesn't want admit it.
I know I am just about done with her always questioning me and correcting me. When I moved the cat the other day and she commented on it I was angry. I'm sure the cat would probably move but I'm just not willing to take that chance because I know Jon's track record when it comes to running things/animals over. After all he did hit Sophie twice because "she should have moved". He has run over chickens too for the same reason. He just doesn't see this the way I do and he would hit it if it didn't move.
I am just tired of living here and knowing that this isn't going to change for a VERY long time. I am stuck! So what is the solution to my problem? I wish I knew.
It's funny how I was thinking about cleaning out that closet and knowing what kind of response I am going to get from her and how that makes me angry and anxious all at the same time. But I feel like this whenever I think about changing anything around here because I know it will be met with opposition, that is unless Jon suggests it. I hate putting him in the middle but I feel like it is the only way I can get anything done. If I suggest it it is a bad idea but he suggests the same thing it is a great idea.
I spend so much time upstairs because I don't have to answer for her to anything up here. I don't have her question my every move and that is good but it is still frustrating as hell that I can't seem to do anything in my own house without getting shit about it. Another thing is that stupid trash can. We just don't need 2 in the kitchen but OMG the world will come to an end it we get rid of hers. Just little stupid things like that just put me over the edge.
I know I'm depressed as hell that is why I am up a 3am typing on my computer instead of sleeping. I hate living here and I'm stuck. I get questioned about everything I do in my own house. I get questioned about the food I cook and the church we go to........gggrrrr so annoying. Like I have to answer to Tim about the church we choose to go to. Geez last time I looked I was and adult but not around here. And now we will have Marcy and her grandkids in the house for the next 10 days.....so much fun....NOT! Were we asked how we felt about that? NOPE! I know it is her sister and she hasn't seen her in years but it sure would be nice to be asked.
I'm not sure what my next step will be. Some days I just want to pack up my stuff and head south for a while, just get the hell out of here. Living here is as bad as living in Japan was because here I am up in the middle of the night writing my feelings because I can't say the out loud without upsetting everyone. Once again I have to keep them to myself. I know Jon cares about this but not enough to leave and talking to him about this only upsets him. I know he is concerned for my feelings but it is his mom and he can't leave her alone and I get that but it doesn't make these feelings go away.
I resent her for not selling the house and moving in with Joanna or just downsizing and moving near one of her kids into a smaller place. I resent that no one else could make the move to help her out. I resent that I can't do what I want in my own home with getting questioned about everything. I'm sad because I don't see any way out of this situation.....it all just sucks.
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