Jon and I have been married for 26 years and they have been interesting and eventful. We have moved a LOT. The longest we have lived in one place in 9 years, most only 3 years. This particular move has been one of the most difficult for me. When we moved to Texas we said we would never move again, that it was where we were meant to be and that was it. But, of course, I started thinking about moving and what would be different and how I wasn't fulfilled where we were.......all stupid things to say. I was good in Texas until the kids went back to live with Jess, after they left I felt lost, adrift, off center, not useful. And then Dad died and then Mom died and then.....WOW what am I even here for? As much as I loved my animal and miss them terribly, they became somewhat of a burden. I wanted to travel and see things. I see our friend, Steve and Ann, and Marcy and JJ traveling and I want to do that and the animals were preventing that from happening. I was really hoping when we moved here to Iowa that we would have a chance to do some traveling. I've mentioned several times that I would like to buy a camper and go off for a few days exploring but that doesn't seem to be what Jon wants to do. And now he has his snowmobile and his club and that doesn't include me sooooooo :/ Maybe I should just go traveling by myself.......Not! That doesn't even sound like fun at all. I guess my expectations are not in line with reality and the reality is my husband has interests that don't include me and that makes me quite sad. I guess I pictured our life here much different than it has turned out to be. Life here is pretty boring. We don't do much of anything but sit around the house and watch stupid TV. No traveling, no nothing......BORING!! Why doesn't he want to do anything with me? Why would he rather sit out in his garage than take me somewhere? Am I that boring to be around? When I ask he says "we just go here" but we've been here almost 7 months and still haven't taken any kind of trips other than to Rochester and that just doesn't count.
So living with his mother is interesting. She really isn't a bother most of the time but there are just a few things that do aggravate me. Like when she makes plans and expects me to participate without really asking if I'm ok with it. When she invites people to stay here without asking if I'm ok with it. That annoys me. I guess, just once, I would love for her to ask how I feel about it, if it is ok with me, and honestly want to know how I feel. I know this hasn't been easy for her either but she is getting the better end of this deal and that really pisses me off. We paid off all her bills and took over the house without having any say on what actually goes on around here and......WOW that really pisses me off. There are so many things I want to change around here but we have to do it slowly so we don't freak her out. So this whole dishwasher thing is going to happen. It's not so much the dishwasher itself its what that dishwasher represents to me, it means I get to decide what will happen in my own home. It means this is MY house now not hers. I means I am in control of something......anything. So I am going to get in the car and drive to La Cross if that means going by myself then I will. I am going to get those blinds for the kitchen and I am going to look at dishwashers and she will just have to learn to live with it. It is time I take charge of my own life, time to put myself first in a few things and if that isn't possible I just might have to pack up and move back south, back to my people.
So the big question is Where do I fit in here? What is my purpose for being here? How do I make a life for myself here? All valid questions that only I can answer.
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