So I have this thing going on with my heart. Started a few years ago and got to the point I couldn't ignore it anymore. I went to see my NP and she seemed to think it was being caused by anxiety. I thought that was hokum. I am not one to have problems with being anxious so I thought it was hormones since I have reached the magical age where my body has changed along with my sleep patterns. Anyway she ran all the usual tests and found something slight, sent me to a cardiologist who said it was nothing to worry about and sent me home with a prescription for metoprolol. My blood pressure had been running a bit high but not bad but I really didn't want to take another medication so I put off taking the meds for a year but then I just couldn't stand it anymore. I went back and got a fresh prescription for the medicine and started taking it and what a difference it has made in my life. The heart issue went away.....so wonderful.
I telling this because this move has been stressful. I've been pretty unhappy and stressed about my situation here at the house and my inability to make decisions/changes that I want without upsetting my MIL. The last 2 weeks my heart has been back to making me miserable. Lots of palpitations, skipping beats.....just annoying. I figure maybe I need to up my dose so I made my yearly appointment to get set up with a new NP here in Iowa and see if she will change my prescription.
Since I made the appointment I have had a kind of revelation. As much as I love my MIL and don't want to upset her I also have to live my life and run my house the way I want. I know she has lived here for a long time but the deal was we buy the house and we can do what we want. She hasn't forbidden any of that but you call tell when we say we are going to change something she is upset about it. Take today for example. There are 3 large windows in the kitchen with some old brown roll up shades. These shades are OLD and falling apart. I have been looking at buying some new faux wood, 2 inch blinds at Lowe's and I have them in my cart but haven't been able to bring myself to order them. Jon said something like "those shades are shot, we need new ones" which is true but she got upset. She didn't say anything but the look on her face said it all. I also want to replace an old cheap island she is using for storage with a new upper and lower cabinets and I found what I want today on the Home Depot website. I know she is not going to be happy about it even though it will make our life easier since we will have more storage and not have bowls falling out of the cabinet every time the door is opened but BOY is she resistant to change.....any change. I put new curtains in the living room....she wasn't happy, I cleaned out some cabinets.....she wasn't happy, we put down a new rug.....she wasn't happy, we took and old shelf out of the kitchen and added 3 large pantry like cabinets....she wasn't happy, like I said she doesn't like change. He couch is shot and has a board under one of the cushions to keep you from sinking but every time I mention getting a new one she goes on about how much she loved that couch as soon as she saw it......THE COUCH IS BROKEN!
I say all that to explain what I am dealing with. But since I had my revelation my heart seems to have settled down a bit. I haven't had any episodes in 2 days and that makes me very happy. I hate that she is unhappy with our changes but I can't let them stop me from doing what I want in my own house. I also expressed to Jon how unhappy I have been and how I feel sorry for him because he has to decide who's feeling he is more concerned about, mine or his mom's. I know it is my feelings but he still has to keep the peace with her and that is not an easy thing for him. All the kids love their mom....I mean they really love their mom and in her defense she is a wonderful woman and was an amazing mother to all 9 of her kids, the kind of mom I wish I had had. So this is a tough position for him to be in but in the end I know he wants me to be happy and if these changes make me happy he is willing to deal with her.
Life is too short to live on pins and needles for fear I am going to upset her and she will have to learn to live with the deal we made when we decided to move up here and live with her.
Now if I could only get a dishwasher..........some day......maybe
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